(July 2015, an Iranian woman, the wife of a friend, wrote to me for advice. We have never met in person. She lives in Iran.)
Perhaps this email will be the beginning of a discourse that will help both you and Man find peace.
The question of Love is a mysterious one to examine in the limiting perception of form. Perhaps Love is to be observed in reverence over a lifetime, over the course of a day, beginning in the quiet hours of the morning. In the bird's song, with the first sun rays, Love invites us to set our bare feet on the Earth. The Earth who loves us unconditionally, who lets us build our dreams along her curved body. The quest of Love never ends in the dance between bee and flower, sunrise and sunset, between seed, soil, water, air and sunshine. Between man and woman...somehow a part of it all...
The question of reality is as evasive. What is physical and emotional reality for you, is not the same reality for Man or for his mistress. You ask me to help you see the reality, but this is a help that cannot come from anyone else, but you - Woman.
This reality is what makes each one of us unique. However, this same reality is what also makes people very miserable and unhappy. The sense of distress and unworthiness comes from our lack of recognizing and celebrating our rightful place on Earth. We try to fit in our reality with other realities, like a puzzle we always try to put together, but never quite manage to. This puzzle is Love. While each one of us is a piece of Love, from the worm, to the rose, a mother and the stars, we cannot perceive the great plains of Love's journey.
Man cannot be convinced by anyone of the right action. Every man must realize Love's Grace on his own, for it is this Grace alone that moves man to act.
The feelings of longing to be loved and nurtured are justified, for we as children were taught all too often dependence on exterior factors, alas all with good intention. We are not taught to chase after and follow the guiding light of our souls, instead we are taught to follow a path of expectations. Society, our families, friends, schooling, churches and past experiences expect us to follow a pattern of obedience in the name of peace. Yet, the world is far from being at peace. The mind is at war with the heart. Man at war with woman, with his own image, city and machine. Good at war with Evil. God with the Devil. All worldly concepts that have no grounding in Love.
These patterns were and are created by people like you and I. People, no less meaningful than us in the light of Love. Yet, like caged animals we spend our lives living in a reality that is not ours. The reality of Iran is much different than the reality of America. The reality of your upbringing, heritage and traditions barely shares anything with the ways of the West. Yet, just as an American woman, an Iranian woman can offer priceless gifts to the world. Perhaps those gifts inch ever closer to one shared true reality - the gift of giving life, life that is ever regenerated. A gift which you carry in you and so does every other woman walking this Earth. Yet, most men take this gift for granted. They do not understand the power of a woman to deliver life! Men are fearful of women, fearful of their own imagined insignificance in the process of creation. This fear has turned destructive. At the hands of this fear, many wars are started and never ended, women and children are raped and killed, brothers and fathers beheaded, the brotherhood of mankind torn apart. In the same way, man doesn't value the gifts of the Earth, his relationship to the Earth is superimposed onto his relationship to women.
Perhaps these are not the words you are looking for in your time of solace. Yet, it is in this solace that human beings grow. We cannot grow at all, if we first don't reach inwards. Towards the center of our souls. We must grow roots that extend deep, deep within. If we allow for this inward growth to happen, the fruits we give to the world will be sweeter than any we have ever tasted.
While you wish to have a family and a child, and everyone around you expects a wedding, you must ask yourself who you are in the light of these events? Are you Man's wife - do you belong to him? For no human being can belong to another... Are you ready to be with Man or another man, to start a family and to gift the world with a child? Or do you need to go on a journey of Love to find just who you truly are. Though more often than not walked in solitude, Love's journey is all inclusive.
The body needs sex, the soul love. Most people do not know what Love is. Perhaps that's why we are here - to find out...